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kopo

How do I dump a girlfriend?

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In the words of the great Homer J Simpson:

 

Dear Baby, welcome to Dumpsville, population; you!

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mm ignore this message

 

Consider it ignored :)

 

(just a note that there is a delete button when you click edit post)

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you womem are worse,.... with your ropes, and knives and scissors and your needle (urethra) cocaine, penis falls off, amputate the leg

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After going out with her for 6 months, text her saying, "Here's to a happy 6 months. But that's all you're getting, I'm afraid. Dumped."

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Nobody's mentioned the classic, "We need to take some time off and see other people."

 

....or has it been mentioned?

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Say that you're a time cop from the future and your investigation has ended. And that he/she is now under arrest.

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Just tell her you have a collection of dead badgers in your shed that you occasionally give homemade lemonade to. If that doen't work just hit her with a shovel.

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You could tell them you tested positive for HIV or have genital herpes.

 

Not so great if your friends are her friends....

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Oh oh!

I got a better one!

Hire a Succubs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Succubus Definition: Popular creatures in mythology that drain the tesopherone out of men by having sex with them and adding it to their lifeforce, making them even stronger and a better than before. While they were having sex, they would stick their tongue out and it would go down the throat of the man, nearly killing him. It was believed (although not proven) that there even a Lesbian Succubus, that hunted and thrived on women.

They are basically demoness' from Hell whose sole purpose is to drain the souls of men by having sex with them while they are asleep.

 

wtf?? ?

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I thought the one about raising your hand if you have a boyfriend was a classic.

 

Wow. I just realised how we're all bastards.

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Wait for a tender moment when the other half says "I love you" and come back with "Thats a shame, I think you are a bit of a minger. Please leave me alone."

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Hmm.. Worries me that I thought about this as much as I did :P

 

Well I'd send her songs. I'd say "hey here's a song I really like, reminds me of you!" then send her something like The Used - Bulimic, Jimmy Eat World - Get it Faster, Motion City Soundtrack - Hold Me Down... You know, the songs which say 'we should break up' or 'i hate you'. Be sure to wait at least an hour before replying to any texts, and be sure to avoid actually answer any question she may have asked in it.

 

Be late for everything, especially the ones you arrange. if she leaves before you get there, make her feel guilty by calling her and saying your mother fell over and you had to be with her until teh doctor arrived, but she's ok now.

 

Whenever she comes over, make yourself food and drink and not her. Don't even offer it. When she falls asleep, steal all the duvet. Hide her clothes. Hide her shoes or put things in them and blame siblings and/or pets.

 

I'll get back to you as I gotta go!

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It's ment to be fun. Just say us how you'd dump her (or him) in an original/cruel/whatever way.

 

Keep it polite.

 

Take her for a drive out to the countryside (or a resonable distance from her home) pull over and get out, once she's out, quickly jump back in and take off like a shower of sh*t.

 

Or tell her you might have given her AIDS and then flee the country.

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To take the question seriously, i say it depends on the state of the relationship. Ultimately, do you want her to hate you or would you like the window of friendship and/or getting it on again in the future. You must consider these questions very wisely young daters!

 

As someone said though, dont do the ignoring thing, its childish and cowardly and you're wasting your time as well as hers. Tell em straight, hopefully they wont castrate your balls... whatever you do, always do it in public, away from sharp objects and with an escape plan if the situation gets ugly and turns into a 'conversation'.

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