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Everything posted by Raining_again

  1. bad stuff thread.

    ooohhh yikes.... i can cope with almost anything medical but i hate eye things. Eye ulcers are awful, i hope you feel better soon
  2. bad stuff thread.

    I knew you would completely understand and thats just fuckin sad like, what other choice do we have lol. You deal with it or you throw yourself off a bridge, thats about the only fuckin options you got. Kickin off a stink gets you known as a hypochondriac and dismissed even more, especially when you're under the age of 40. The next person that says "you're too young" might get my "young" fist in their mouth lol. The fact you have a supportive and understanding partner is wonderful though
  3. bad stuff thread.

    are you sure you didnt go to the hairdresser by mistake -- I went to what i assumed was a routine appt with nurse specialist today. she is *not* happy. she noted considerable decline in speech and mobility. my medications are being withdrawn until i see a neurology consultant. So not only do i have considerable muscle fatigue (which i personally dont think will resolve withdrawing meds) but the remission of my psoriasis and arthritis is now pretty much over. I've sat all day with a knot of anxiety in my chest, and its not like me to be a really anxious person. oh yeah and not forgetting the fact i can go into a spontaneous respiratory crisis at any moment. Its a fun time. I got told off for not complaining "you're the kind of patient we worry about the most because you just dont complain at all" Prob a few of you peeps here will understand me (@nightwolf special shoutout lol) that when you're chronically ill you just get so damn used to living with whatever it is. The normies, especially medical people, expect you to be miserable 24/7 but the fact is yes i have shit days, but a lot of the time i just want to enjoy my day despite everything going on.
  4. happs w the slam down of some common sense daaaim boiii Sorry i do agree, it doesnt seem to be complex at all. Consider yourself lucky that you are able to go out and meet people at all, not all of us have that privilege
  5. The Exercise & Fitness Thread: The Struggle Is Real

    this this this this if i had found weightlifting as a teen i would have been a fuckin powerhouse. everything we did relied on depth perception which i dont have lol. The only class I failed year after year. F - tries hard lol
  6. The Exercise & Fitness Thread: The Struggle Is Real

    you people need to post more i need people to live vicariously through! i miss weight training SO BAD and its looking more and more likely that ill never be able to train, at least not in a competitive manner anymore. What a farce.
  7. bad stuff thread.

    i woke up this morning with a frozen shoulder, have barely got the strength to hold the weight of my arm up. rang gp and basically had a complete and utter meltdown on the phone at him finally had that moment where i needed to bring up my concerns regarding my symptoms and that i would like myasthenia gravis considered and at least ruled out (it has very specific symptoms all of which i have). I was already referred to neuro anyway, doctor listened and didnt dismiss me but it isnt something they can test and has to be done by neuro. hes going to see if the referral can be seen more urgently. I'm also considering going privately as well but ill have to see if i can shuffle some money around maybe. I've really been having a run of bad days, my shoulder has been getting progressively worse, my breathing and voice are shot and i just feel miserable and fucking unable to do anything at the moment and it sucks big time I'm also very aware of how i nearly fuckin ended up in icu with a breathing crisis, and i dont particularly want that to happen again, especially while services are so strained in icu.
  8. Do you know what you're doing?

    QFT. I think as well. realistically, you're never gonna fulfill every single "category" in life. Its not physically possible unless you are EXTREMELY lucky. Not enough hours in the day to spin that many plates lol Maybe your job is mediocre (or not what you saw yourself doing) but it affords you time and a stress free time to be a parent. Maybe you spent your time building your career and have yet to meet The One or have a family... Every good thing in your life isnt erased by the fact there is one thing you arent 100% happy with.
  9. Do you know what you're doing?

    Once the honeymoon of "I HAVE A HOUSE ITS ALL MINE" thing fades this is definitely so so true. My house hasnt even been that stressful in terms of it needing repairs either. You realise that yes you can do whatever you desire to the house, but it all costs money LOL. No landlord to annoy if your toilet floods or the electrics have failed XD All the money you save in the difference between a mortgage and rent now becomes your "if something goes wrong in the house" fund.
  10. Do you know what you're doing?

    Aww @Ashley thats very kind of you to say In a weird sense I feel like sometimes its a blessing to have had to deal with "problems" at a young age. For all the bad things its certainly given me a lot of wisdom & confidence to deal with problems now and in the future. I know people that don't go to the doctor EVER, have seen patients in work that havent even been registered with GPs suddenly ending up with a stroke or serious medical issue in their 40s/50s/60s very suddenly and the idea of that terrifies me more than the way my life is
  11. Do you know what you're doing?

    personal experience - you never truly feel like you are at the right milestones or have "done enough", you really have to deconstruct why those expectations are in your head, are they there because you truly want them or society/other people have placed this impression that you must. Then you have to focus on what you can realistically do from now and going forward. Sometimes therapy/mindfulness can be a worthwhile avenue to look into. My life is definitely held in suspension right now. My health is terrible. My job situation is messy. My love life is no better (in reality most men do not want to take on someone with disabilities especially when they can't have kids) I will never life a normal life and i've had to accept that. Even most recently i was nerding out on keyboard shopping and got frustrated because mechanical keyboards are very in fashion right now and i want one, but my hands and wrists are too damaged to deal with a clicky keyboard... very much a dumb "why me" moment but we are all human and its ok to be frustrated when you get handed an unfair deal in life.
  12. bad stuff thread.

    Oh same, it makes me so so mad too. Able-bodied people somehow completely disregard that its not a level playing field. A perfect example - I went for an xray last tuesday, a benign appointment for most people, sit there they take xrays done. But I've been in pain since, to a point where I had to take coedine just to sleep a night, which then truly fucks up my lungs/breathing so I'm barely functional now. I'm still undiagnosed w my breathing problems and they are getting worse again especially when im forced to take what is basically fuckin morphine because nothing else works and ive waited 3 years just to see someone to manage this pain. And realistically I know that I can't just stop working. I know life doesnt work that way. But I don't need it fuckin repeated over and over by people who are my family. A lot of disabled people want to work, accessibility to work is a real problem. And in my experience as a disabled person, you have to double down on your work ethic to "make up" for any needs you might have. And dont even get me started on the PIP process. It makes me so fuckin mad and I just wish people would keep their damn opinions to themselves if they havent got something SUPPORTIVE to say.
  13. bad stuff thread.

    My cousin has been very recently diagnosed with (i believe) something very similar as you, and she was told by the surgeon that its inadvisable for her to work full time. And she will not have kids naturally, period. Shes pretty down at the mo. Was talking to my mum and sister and i was so so so ashamed of them. Theyre so ableist "well she will have to work and suck it up they have a mortgage to pay" etc etc. I just don't feel like that sort of commentary on someones personal health and finances are neccesary, even if it is true or has true elements (especially in such a negative way) and it actually made me angry... i could very well be facing similar dilemmas in the years to come, christ, im barely able to function as it is. So its really nice to know how they feel about people claiming disability. im preparing myself to (probably) go back on methotrexate so ill not be able to drink either. Got my xrays done yesterday and my body hurts just from being manipulated into position to get the right angles
  14. Job woes/wins

    i know if you're still nhs shes not legally allowed to tell you before the paperwork has been reviewed by a panel, that could be why. They're super strict about that nowadays.
  15. Social Media

    I have facebook still. i have been on it recently since covid has died down a bit. but while it was a Big Deal I was offline. Tired of seeing ablism, conspiracy nonsense constantly. Exposing yourself to people that would basically see you die rather than wear a damn piece of cloth on your face on the daily is not OK. I still try to ration it so im not just randomly scrolling for hours every day. I have messenger purely because i have friends on there that i literally have no other ability to contact. Without that I'd probably have deleted my account a while ago. Twitter is a hatefest. Don't care much for instagram (always felt like a duplication of facebook for me), snapchat is full of creeps and pervs.
  16. House buying is the worst

    Don't forget theres also the dire lack of job opportunities and The Troubles... all relative lol. I know you wouldnt get a garage for that in london. Contextually you'd be doing well to get £10-12 an hour round here.
  17. House buying is the worst

    Yeah covid has shaken up a lot, lots of job instability that wasnt a thing pre covid. I dont think 5% deals are really a thing anymore, it only happened to be a deal nationwide did at the same, and you had to save all your money with them for the deposit too. Oh and NI market being significantly different to english makes a big difference... my house was only 70k lol
  18. Job woes/wins

    i f*ckin hate work They loaded more work than i can physically do. i do emails for the vast majority of my day. 80% of my day if i DO NOT take a lunch break, 95% if i do). Monthly reports usually split with everyone, but i take probably more than the rest because 1 my skills and 2 im not taking calls so they feel im doing "less work" LOL. So these monthly reports need done every month, and a yearly one end of march. currently working on februarys, which are done early march. But i literally don't think i have the time to do all of the monthly reports before the next months are due... so im literally never going to even get caught up from the backlog let alone keep it running. Then bosses boss (my immediate boss on sick) comes to me and is like oh we need the yearly report for x service by end of week (last week) and im just like.... RIGHT. so I do the report. its done by first thing on thursday.... thursday before lunch she messages me very politely (i think she must be scared of me and has heard of my rep of being slightly too honest lol) asking if they can be done by thursday close so she can check on friday to send. So im like OF COURSE. Sat on my ass for the rest of the day doing emails and nothing else for a damn change. Sent her the stuff at the very last minute lol I sent the report over and she queries a number not adding up (i know why it does but its not my job/cant be arsed/its her job) so i just screenshot the raw data, total it and send it to her as a response. I am not a data analyst. I have been denied the opportunity multiple times. they fuckin think im doing it and not being paid for it they can THINK AGAIN. Think she looked at it for half an hour couldnt get her head around it and just said itll do as it is and took out the total. this is someone thats paid prob close to 40k and is supposed to have data analysis/extraction experience. unreal. And the funniest most hilarious thing? We are no longer short staffed in the office (im working from home) and the rest of the team are sitting twiddling their thumbs.
  19. House buying is the worst

    I legit just went to my building society and was like mortgage plz..! i had a save to buy account with them that gave me great interest at the time, and allowed me to contribute 5% deposit it's very weird this thread coming up, when it started i was mid SCREAM panicking about my legal shit not going through (offer accepted just after december, mortgage arranged new years eve) and it didn't come through til june 14th. I also can NOT believe its been 5 years I am *not* keen to move at all the idea of selling makes my skin crawl also this thread reminded me to go online and look at renewing my term hahah so thanks whoever bumped it kekeke
  20. good stuff thread.

    you both are so cute, and that dress is STUNNING on you
  21. I dont buy the "confusing" argument. I don't buy the "government arent following the rules why should we" arguement. Like really how difficult is it to be sensible. Don't travel, don't see anyone unneccesarily, keep your bubbles small. I havent seen ANYONE except for my parents (medical bubble) and my colleagues (neccesity) in well over a year and have spent the vast majority of the past year in my house alone. I really really am just getting sick to the back teeth of people complaining about having to do 10 days or whatever isolation, because it mildly inconveniences them. I totally appreciate the people who are truly suffering, who have no income etc.... but in my experience so far the ones crying about "mental health" and "people are dying of cancer too" are the ones that are flouting the rules and making this thing longer for all of us.
  22. Fun with Flags!

    ugh flegggggs are a sensitive topic in NI lol hard pass. they've better to be discussing right now imo
  23. Job woes/wins

    fuck me you actually asked a manager to do something for the good of the service and they did it? Thats a new one!!!
  24. Job woes/wins

    I've accepted redeployment. They've basically bullied me into it by overloading me with work. theyre gonna lose a foundational member of the team that started it from the ground, and knows the system inside and out, at a high level, and with skillset well above my pay grade. I'm a band 3 (skilled post non management 21k) that knows more than a band 7 (high management 44k) who has worked for the dept the same number of years. I can interpret complex data, make it look meaningful, design reports, fix problems and find even the most obscure piece of data from out of my ass. The band 7, head of service, doesnt know the password for the reporting tool. What i know, and what they don't, gives me licence to fuck around. I told them i had to validate some numbers in a report today (granted they are complex and sometimes do have issues so this is more than believable) but they didnt need any work, i just sat for an hour doing a couple of emails. I've got all of the february backlog to clear through.... I dunno i could probably pull it off in a week...maybe? (which is pretty speedy even for a data analyst) now its gonna be 2.5. This is what happens when you screw someone over that gave their entire career to you and your department. My immediate boss is fuckin MAD. I text him and he told me to ring him straight away... Hes off on sick from stress and this was all done on purpose while he was away. My colleagues know what i contribute and its just pissing them off too. Its all work that will be handed over to them making them even more overwhelmed. Never in nearly 16 years have i regretted my career choice, but im starting to now
  25. Happy Paddys Day 2021

    yeooo uppa paddys