Hello.
Now here, I'm going to write down my story..
I'm sad, angry, confused, frustated, irritaded all together! And I don't know how long this story will be..
I have censored some of our conversations.. just because it's too private. And please accept lots of grammar mistakes
Now.. since august 2007, I was at a competition.. a martial arts competition. There, I met a girl.. who do not live at my city. In there we became friends and everything was fine.. we knew it was about making a relationship. During that semester.. we have been talking on phone ALOT.. sending SMS and always been funny to each other. She came over to my town serveral times.. and so did I. We weren't to gether.. or what to say.. WE did kiss.. very much. I bought things for her and so on. Everything was fine and I personally was getting a trust on her.. but lately.. like the whole decemner 2007. She had been acting strange.. I sent her SMS, and the answer had been like she didn't want to talk to me. I have called her and she said that she is little busy right now and she will call me up in short.. But she never calls.. so I call back and we talk normally.. (I never asked why she didn't call), hey also this has happened serveral times. Now I found out that she uses a community.. a lot. I checked that out and saw that she was online there for hours, talking to a guy. So I made up an accunt, and wrote on her "wall" or whatever it is called like "Hello! :P". The next day I saw, she never answered... what SHE DID do was that she deleted my message.. I taught... ok what the hell... So I messaged her other days and she answered again like as she is angry to me. Then I asked her if she's angry to me as she has been acting like that.. and she said no.. I asked that should I finish SMS'ing and calling her because she kind a gets bothered.. and she said "NO, I like that you call me!". Ok, serveral days went... we talked on phone again,, she came to my city and gave me a christmas present that made me reallllly happy. Again, there were kisses and we met you know.. blabla.
Then, when she went back home.. we were like normal again.. but I still had a feeling that something's wrong. Yes there was something wrong, I conviced my self.
During the times when I did talk to her.. she was always quiet to tell me about her family.. as I asked... but she didn't want to know (she had big problems with her family during childhood but I won't go into details). She said that she always had problems to talk about feelings.. and that I understand.
Hey by the way.. sometimes I was drunk and called her, she got so worried and tried her best to take care of me by talking on phone to my friends who were with me at parties. This happened 2 or 3 times.
Anyway.. as christmas came close.. I asked her what her problem is... she don't act right.. something has happened. (In my mind, I had a feeling that she is dating someone else as I analyze her behaviour). She said "Can't we talk about something else please?" I asked: "Is it about your family? Or something else? Cuz, if it's about her family.. I won't ask". She answerered after being little silent ".... it's about her family", I asked "Are you sure", she said ".....yes"
Well, then I was supposed to go to her town during christmas, but things happened, as she had to celebrate with family etc.. of course she has to do that. Then I asked if I can come after christmas? She said "No.. I'm busy" and again kinda.. that she don't want to talk about it.. (and I still don't know what she did that day, but whatever. that's just a mystery, so we forget that).
She got sick during christmas, and then I was little drunk, and we talked on phone for a long time... and she was very nice of her, and I back.. but I said that "I don't believe you that you want to meet me".. she said "What's wrong with you?" "I have a feeling of that".... she said "Then you're totally wrong".
New year. I was first... going to celebrate with family.. but it was cancelled. So I was supposed to celebrate with my friends.. but it was too late to tell because I should have told them that I'm coming to their party earlier. So during that night (day before NYE).. the girl wanted to talk with me and asked what I'm doing in new year.. And I said "I don't know" She really then wanted me to come to her town so we could celebrate together. and so did I. I went to her town in new year eve, and she was happy.. I was happy. The night came after 12_am... and we started to.... love in bed. I won't say anything more.. but we did make Love,, whole night, hehe. Hey and we both were little drunk (I was really drunk, she wasn't but was affected.. in someway).
So next day, I had hangover.. and she took care of her and I gave her the christmas present (I never gave her before..) and she got really happy and hugger me for a long time! Later that day, I was up to leave.. and she left me to the station. Again, it was like we were a cuple, hug kiss, and byebye. Ah, also she asked that if she'd come to my town next weekend, do I want to meet her? I said, "Of course"..
So I went back home... and was really hungover so we didn't talk at all that night. I went to sleep.
´Next evening, I messed her and asked "what she's doing" and she said that she is coloring her hair and I said ok.. fine. Then I asked if we can talk, she replied "Not yet, I'm busy with the hair".. it went 4 hours, and she never messaged me.. I messed her and asked "what's up".. "Coloring my hair", I said "you could have told me that it'd be so late", she replied, "sorry I din't know that it'd take so long time". I got little angry... as I felt that she's acting like she did before (ignoring me in a way). so I wrote "maybe you're lying"... she wrote "hey, sorry, do you want to speak with my friend to convince you that I colored my hair? What the fuck, why would I lie to you about this" (Hey by the way... I really don't know that girls can take long time to color their hairs, but I asked my mother and she said that it is really possible... hehe lol). So that night went.. and we were little angry to each other..
So... thursday morning... my father got emergency pain in his stomache so he had to go to hospital for surgery.. During that morning. I did call her and told her what happened... she got really worried and tried to support me in her best way she could. I felt better.. She asked me... "do you want me to come to your town on weekend.?" I said yes... also I felt that she was someone I could talk with as I called her about my father.. So when it became evening.. I messaged her and asked "what's up?" she replied "nothing much and you?".. I replied that I'm cooking water.... and if she want to talk? She replied that she's at her aunts house so she'd had to be with them. I said oki, but "are you coming to my town tomorrow (friday)?" She replied: "I'm at my aunt's hous in my town, I took the wrong ticket so I had to come today". I got little schocked "What? Why didn't you tell me?"... "because I had to hurry, I found out 1h before I the train left that my train was TODAY".. I got little angry, and said' "why didn't you tell me? Whas it neccesary not to tell?", she replied "Because I can't tell you everything, I had problems with family, too. Why should I tell you everything?". And after this I got irritaded... "I feel that you don't care about me".. she replied "I do care about you but it seems that you are really angry to me". I said: "it feelst that YOU are making me angry".
So next day.. she wrote to me in the evening.. "What's up?" I replied "Nothing" (in the same way she has been to me before.. so she didn't answer.. Then I called up, and asked "what are she going to do tonight" She said.. that she'll be with her cousin.. I said "ok......" (sure, there was something wrong). She lived at her cousins house now.. ok but that was true. Next day (saturday), I called up in the day time.. asked "what happens today"... she said "ummm. I don't know, I'll meet some friends and later I'll go to a party". I answered "why are you like this?" then she said "it feels that you are angry to me, so I havent asked you about anything because you seem to be very angry.." I asked why she didn't tell me about that she came to my town before friday? She said "I told you that I'd come but I didn't tell you about thursday because it happened so suddenly". Then she said that she'll message me next day so we can meet (sunday). So what I did was that I slept over at my friends house, because I was really down. Something was wrong. My friend lives really close to the place she lived during the weekend.. So when the sunday came... she messaged me "good morning, what's up?" I said: "nothing, I'm at my friends, what happens now?" "She said, I'm at my cousins house and I'll eat and make me ready, but first I have to check out some universities from the internet" I replied, "ok hope it don't take too long because I have to go" (Yes I had to go, because I needed to go to the hospital to meet my father as he was still there. But I never told her where I'm going, she asked but I said it dosen't matter) She said, "ok but can't we meet after that?" I replied, "I don't know because I may stay there for a while.. (her train would leave my town in 5 hours). She replied "because I don't know when I'm ready", I replied "ok but send me a message then..."... "Ok"..
Waited 3 hours... no message.. I had to leave now.. So I took the subway to the hospital, and that subway staid at the station her cousin lived (where she had to be). I went out.. called her.. and asked "what are you doing?" she said "I'm at the market", I asked "Where?" .."Close to my house".. then I asked "do you have time to come to the station then? for a little talk?" "Now? I can't now, I'm very far away from there... I'm in "seed market" (yeah it's a place here in my town). and "seed market" is really far from her house. So I asked "how can you be in the both places at the same time?" She said "I'm on the way to seed market" I said.. "ehhh ok". She asked "when are you ready, what do you have to do?" I said "It dosen't matter.."... "Why?",, "It just dosen't matter"... she said "Ok... when are you ready?". I said... mmm "tonight"... "TONIGHT?".. I said... "we maybe can meet some other day then".. "She said yes..."... and suddenly se said that "HEY but I have to stop talking now.. sorry." I asked "don't you have time to meet?" she said "I have to end now..." and then in the background I head a guys voice saying "GOOD BYE!" and then we both said ok bye "but I'll call you later" she said... (YOU'RE RIGHT!).
So now I knew that she lied, nothing was fucking logical. I went to the hospital to meet my dad.. But.. now something really bothered me.. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!?? So now determined to go to the train station as i knew what time she'd was leaving my town.. This time I'm sorry dad, but something is really wrong. So I went to the train station...
guess what... "she was eating with a guy... what guy...? the one she was talking on the INTERNET WEEKS AGO!"
I hide my self, but she saw me... and I ran away.. she wrote a message "Why don't you say hello?"... I never replied... "What are you doing?" I didn't reply.. So again, I checked out what they were doing.. she had lots of shopping bags.. and now.. they were hugging". I was "BINGO, it ALL was about this, what a liar!". They held hands and walked to the train... I followed after... they were just like a couple... that guy left her... and she went on the train. What I did was... I jumped on the train. And now, we met FACE TO FACE. I asked, "Who was that?", and she said angry "why didn't you say hello?".. and she just then ignored me and sat on her seat.. I didn't give up. This time I wanted to know the TURHT. So fuck the tickets, give me bills. I didn't care. The train started to move, and of course this was not going to stop after 1 hour. So I staid there and talked to her. She seemed to be really angry.. she said "IT IS YOU WHO HAS BEEN AGRY TO ME, IT SEEMS THAT YOU NEVER BELIEVE ME ANYTHING I TELL YOU, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME! You seemed to be angry when I aske what you are going to do but you said it dosent matter", I said: "I WAS AT THE HOSPITAL, my father has been really bad lately, I had to think about him." She replied, "BUT You never believe me and I TOLD YOU THAT I'D COME TO YOUR TOWN But you seemed so angry" I said: "You never told me that you came on thurstday".. "NO BECAUSE I WAS IN A HURRY".
I asked, who the fuck was that guy??? "A friend of mine I know". "You'r boyfriend? I saw everything.. you acted just like a couple, hugging, holding hands etc.. what was all that about?" she replied "He is someone that can understand me better than you do.. you ask about mee too much, I had problems about my family my entire life, is it this you want to know? even my last boyfriend was not asking shit like you do" I asked.. "but do you LIKE HIM".. she answered, "I do Like him but I don't want to like him"
(any logic?). I asked, "for how long time have you been dating? ". She said "about a week" (hey about a week, 5 days before we were making love if you remember as I wrote about the new year eve :P), and I saw she had a nicke that I never saw before.. I asked.. "is that yours? Did he buy it to you...?" She said "yes". Again I asked "are you her girlfriend?" again she answered "I don't want to like him".. So I asked, "don't you like me?"... silent.... "don't you like me?".... silent "Yes I do like you but I don't want anyone too close to me".. again we started to discuss about that I ask too much about her family and she said that she only trust few people. Also, she said "I have been knowing this boy before we talked on the interet". I asked "how did you fall for him suddenly?" ... silent... "Internet?"...silent.."phone?"... she answered "Yes". Again I asked if she likes me and she said the same thing "I don't want anyone too close to me, I can't trust anyone except my closest friends. What do you want to know about me?".
Now here, she tried to avoid me speaking about that "internet guy". I asked: "What the hell has been going on? Why have you acted like this?". She answerd: "Hey, do you really want to know these things about me? Or you want to know because you care?" I said "I DO CARE".. she replied "this shounds bullshit, you always think that I have been lying and I never can be trusted about you". Again I tried to say that there has been strange things lately.. And we babbled.. long time... she went to her seat and said "let me be alone!" I sat on the floor and started to talk. She said: "Hey stop you embarras me!" I said well "you have to handle me for one hour, should I jump out of the train or what?" Again, we walked to the corridor and she was really angry... we started to discuss about these lame things and now the ticket man came. "Ticket's please!" She showed her ticket to the Ticket Man, and I said "hey, you can give me bills because I don't have any ticket, let me out the next station" and the next station was very far... but this ticket man was nice.. he said Ok... and didn't take any payment from me xD.
And still, we were talking... I asked "do you want to get rid of me?" silent.... and she repilied "you know what that happens now? I just want to dissapear!". I asked "do you dislike me????"...no answer... and again she was saying, hey what do you want to know about me????? I said "hey, you want to get rid of me, I'm an ass hole and I think you really want to get rid of me" ... no answer.. again she said that she don't want to speak and she want's to dissapear. I tolk her that I think she could trust me and that's why she could tell me about things. But she said "hey, you have been 6 months in my life! I CANT TELL YOU ANYTHING! Ask my friends if you want!!! I don't want to talk!".. I replied: "Hey, you can't get rid of me till the next station.. hehe" oh my, she was so angry. Now one hour went and the next station came... I asked if there are any tickets if I can buy from this station? she said "I don't know... maybe you could come to my town and to be sure you can have tickets back home cuz I'm sure you can get them there".. I was "ok".. Again.. she said that she wants to solve this problem by herself and that she don't want me to do anything...
Then the ticket man came. and said.. "hey you have to go autta the train... sorry." I went out... and asked the ticket man if I can buy some tickets from this station but he ignored me... ehh ok. I saw a station building... walked there.. and the train was now leaving... I saw her sit down.. and we had eye contact.. and then looked down with an angry face..
Now I was at the station, far away from home... nothing was open, it was late.. but luckily I found a ticket machine, so I ordered a ticket back home... the train would leave in 30 minutes...
What should I do now? Everything..... WTF???? I called my friend and told him how it all went... I told him the story.. and said that he is proud of me.. and said don't give up..
I got back home angry, sad, confused, everything negative at the same time!!!
Then I got a message later... it was from her... "Have you arrived home yet?" I replied, "Yes I have, I took the speed train". Of course she didn't reply.
Today. I wrote this shit. I haven't talked to her and I'm sure she won't contact me either.
I'm so fucking sad, confused and angry! Don't understand.. I don't have any answer really. The majority says that I should just shit on her.. and go on.. wait if she contacts me. But the best is that I forget her... because I showed her love.. I got on the train. The last contact from her was if I'm home.. I don't know, maybe she just worried. I have no idea. I don't know what this girl thinks, it made me depressed. What should I do now? I writing this because I feel better to share an emotion about love and how love really makes guys weak and strong.
I took the taxi home when I arrived back to my town, I couldn't handle my situation on the subway. I told this history to the taxidriver. And he said "Ladies are extremly wonderful, and they are extremly horrible" That's so true. He adviced me to just fuck of it.. now I get feelings that I should fuck off but at the same time.. I want to know what's up her mind. Not easy.
With kind regards: Elekko
